This Short Phrase Can Refresh Your Relationship

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This Short Phrase Can Refresh Your Relationship

Tune Up Tuesday

The super short phrase that can refresh your relationship. That’s this week’s Tune Up Tuesday – a little nugget you can use to tune up your relationship.  The phrase – intent, not impact. 

We had friends over for euchre and pizza last weekend.  I had saved a piece of pizza for myself in one of the pizza boxes to eat later.  My partner Andy saw all the pizza boxes stacked up in the kitchen, thought they were empty – and he threw them out.  Later, I go into the kitchen to get my pizza I had tucked away only to find out Andy had thrown it out.  


Intent, not impact.  


The impact was that I didn’t have my pizza, but Andy’s intent was to help me clean up the kitchen after we had guests. His intention was awesome and so I was able to thank him for that and not even be bothered by the impact.  I didn’t need the pizza anyway :)

Maybe for you it’s an annoying habit – why does he have to close the car door so loudly? Or why can’t he put a dish in the dishwasher?  Typically with things like that, it’s not your spouse’s intent to annoy you.  Obviously, if the impact of these annoyances is that you’re getting to the boiling point, then cool off and talk to your person about it kindly… but we’ve found that keeping that phrase “intent, not impact” in our back pocket has been helpful for us.


In addition to hosting mornings on B105.7, Sean is pursuing a Masters degree to be a therapist.

Photo Credit: Getty Images

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