A couple man and woman pointing at each other expressing accusation

Never “Lose” an Argument by Asking this Question

Do you want to resolve a conflict or do you want to be right?  This was part of a discussion I had with someone earlier this week.  It was a reminder of we often argue and deal with problems.  If we are honest, we often just want to be “right” versus solving a problem.

That’s the problem of looking at conflict or our differences as a “win-lose” proposition.  If what I think, feel or want is validated, then I “won.”  If the other person “gets their way,” then I have lost.

Our desire to be right and win an argument is rooted in pride and fear.  Not just fear of losing, but fear that I might need to compromise or change or even see someone else’s viewpoint.

Whether it’s in a relationship, your workplace or even when it comes to the world’s biggest problems, are you earnestly looking to solve a problem or do you just want your way to be the right way?  Resolving the conflict should be the goal and that involves laying down our pride and fears. Disagreements shouldn’t be judged by winning or losing, but by resolving.

When it comes to disagreeing with someone, ask yourself the question – Do I want to solve this or win this? There’s no loser when the goal is resolving conflict.

**Eric has his Masters in Counseling and when not on B105.7, works as a private practice counselor.**

Photo Credit: Getty Images/Paffy69

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