Picture of couple arguing.

What You Must Do in Every Argument

Keep the main thing the main thing.  This is a phrase that we use in all sorts of different contexts, but in my counseling work it serves as reminder to focus on the issue at hand.  When there is conflict it is easy to get sidetracked.  To start arguing about other things, often times creating more conflict and more confusion.

For instance, I spoke with someone recently who was disappointed that a friend let them down in a big way.  When they went to discuss it, the friend began talking about things the other person does that frustrates them.  I call this a case of the “but what about you’s.”  You know when there’s a specific point of contention or incident and instead of discussing that, one of you begins to say “but what about you” and all the things you do that bothers them.

And while those thoughts and feelings may be valid, you conversation about the initial conflict is now lost.  The discussion spirals and nothing gets resolved.

There are conversations that need to be had today. Our challenge today, is to not let those conversations get sidetracked our hijacked by things that don’t directly address the main issue.  Make it a point to keep the main thing the main thing.

**Eric has his Masters in Counseling and when not on B105.7, works as a private practice counselor.**

Photo Credit: Getty Images/Deagreez

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