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After Asking ‘How Was Your Day,’ Ask This Next

Tune Up Tuesday!  In addition to hosting mornings on B105.7, I work in the afternoons as a licensed therapist and on Tuesday mornings I’ll share a nugget or two you might be able to use to sort of “tune up” a relationship in your life or your own mental health.  This morning – After you ask a question like – “how was your day?”  The second best question to ask… after that.

So, you’re talking about your day, maybe trouble with a co-worker, and your spouse goes into fix it mode… giving you advice… telling you what they would’ve done, how you could make it better, etc.  They want to help, but it’s somehow frustrating or invalidating to you.  You didn’t really want advice, you wanted comfort.  So, my suggestion is that we all get in the habit of asking our spouse what they need from us.  Ask – would you like feedback or would you just like me to listen?  Or, another way I’ll ask it is… are you needing solutions or comfort?

Your spouse is having this experience in their reality.  And they may not want your reality or your solutions to come crashing into theirs.  So, ask permission and get clarity on exactly what they’re needing.

Sean Copeland is a licensed therapist at Evolve Therapy in Greenwood, IN. Click here to learn more.

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