Claim Customer Concept. Tiny Characters with Sad Face Holding Huge Paper. Client Complaint, Negative Feedback, Service Dislike, Rejection, Not Approved and Unhappy People. Cartoon Vector Illustration
Claim Customer Concept. Tiny Characters with Sad Face Holding Huge Paper. Client Complaint, Negative Feedback, Service Dislike, Rejection, Not Approved and Unhappy People. Cartoon Vector Illustration

If Your Spouse Complains Too Much, Try This

Tune Up Tuesday!  In addition to hosting the morning show on B105.7, I work in the afternoons as a licensed therapist and on Tuesday mornings I’ll share a nugget you might be able to use to sort of “tune up” a relationship in your life or even your own mental health.  This morning – more on complaining…and what you can do if you feel like your partner complains just a little bit too much.

First thing to do is depersonalize it.  Underneath your partner’s complaining is something that is likely more about them than you. And it may not be that they’re malicious. It’s probably just that they’re struggling to convey their needs in a helpful way.  Children aren’t always great at asking for their needs.  They cry, they get fussy, they act out, etc.  Sometimes we as adults aren’t much better.

Secondly, stand up for yourself if need be.  If the complaining is hurtful, draw a boundary.  You can say something like, “I get that you’re upset about this, but can we still be kind to each other?”

And no matter how tempting it might be, try to avoid a tit-for-tat sort of thing.  Like, they complain about something… so, you fire back with a complaint of your own.  That is usually a recipe for disaster.

Sean Copeland is a therapist at Evolve Therapy in Greenwood, IN. Click here for more.

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